I started blogging early 2013 and I fell in love with it instantly. Why? well, because I loved writing. I loved to be able to share what was on my heart and mind through writing. It felt freeing, it felt liberating and it felt meaningful. I also loved it because I had the opportunity to share Christ and the gift of salvation to others, which was my top priority for starting my blog.
Another reason I started my blog was to bring awareness to the awful and unending suffering of Lyme Disease and to, hopefully, educate others on the complexity of it. I didn’t want others to suffer like I had, so it was my mission to advocate for the patients of this unbearable disease.
But … I feel as if I have failed.
I feel the way because somehow along the way I got sucked into the “trying to keep up with all the other bloggers” world. It was draining, exhausting, empty and extremely unfulfilling. If you blog, you know exactly what I am talking about. I am certain several of you bloggers have felt this way along the blogging path. If you don’t, Allow me to explain ….
I don’t know when it all started, a few winters ago perhaps. My blog felt boring and uninteresting in comparison to the other bloggers I had been following. My blog design felt bla, the content felt bla, the photos I took felt bla, it all fell like a big ball of bla! So, I shifted my focus from what really mattered to me and my readers to mostly fashion, because it seemed to attract more followers and readers, which is what I wanted at that time, sadly.
I hate admitting this, I spent many nights surfing the web on blogging related topics which spiraled into this obsessive “how do I get more traffic” “how do I gain more followers” “how to write a blog post that attracts attention” “how do I get more followers on IG and Twitter” ” what are some of the best filters to use on IG to gain more followers” “best camera to use for blogging” “how to take the best photos for blogging” “best apps for editing photos on IG” … the “how to” searches were endless, and quite frankly, maddening as well.
I was overwhelmed with the amount of information on all the “how to’s”, and at the same time I felt such defeat because I did not have the funds (the blogging world ain’t cheap y’all .. especially blogging about fashion) and not enough spoons to accomplish all these “how to’s”. I felt limited with the resources I had, frustrated with my physical limitations and just overall annoyed. My mind went absolutely berserk- I was angry with myself for not being able to accomplish what I wanted to accomplish, angry with my husband because he wouldn’t help by taking some photos, angry with God because I was so sick and I had many physical limitations that were in the way of doing what I wanted to do … basically, I was a nightmare to be around!
Who knew blogging could make someone into an obsessive witch of a blogger haha!
My husband, who is very supportive of everything I do, bought me a camera to capture better pictures for my blog. The only caveat was that he won’t be the one taking them (my husband does not like to be in pictures or take pictures). Fair enough, I thought at that moment, but somehow some way I’d convince him to because I had no one else around that would. So, he’d snap a few photos here and there and almost every single time, we would get into arguments over it because he really disliked taking them, and my thinking was “what’s the big deal? it only takes a few minutes out of his time. He just needs to get over it and do it.” In the middle of one of our arguments, he paused and looked at me and said “Aisha, I feel like this is not you!! Something about you changed when it comes to blogging, maybe it was since you added fashion? I don’t know .. but this is not you!” oh boy, let me tell you, when he said that I was certain I had visible smoke coming out of my ears. I was so furious and hurt by his comment that the blogging witch inside of me came out. I said a couple of not so nice things, stormed out the door and into my quiet little car. I don’t know why, but if I am ever angry or sad I hop in my car and drive around until I cool off. It’s so peaceful, you should try it some time.
I don’t like to admit this, but if I get into an argument with someone, it takes me a little while to get over it. My husband on the other hand, a half an hour after our argument or any argument we’ve had in the past it’s like nothing happened (are all men like this?) and he talks to me like we just got off the plane for our honeymoon. I, on the other hand, sit far away as possible from him, silent, holding up my javelin, sword, dagger and a shield, ready for another battle. I am working on the whole forgiving on the spot thing!
For some reason though, his comment resonated with me and I couldn’t stop thinking about what he said, so I prayed about it. The more I prayed about it the more I realized how unhappy I have become with blogging since I added fashion, and it wasn’t because of adding fashion that caused this nutso side of me to come out, it was the comparison with other fashion bloggers. I also realized how my love for writing had diminished at that time, as well, and that made me really sad!
I prayed some more and felt the best thing to do was to take some time off from my blog and get my mind and heart back to where they were, all the way back to when I first started this blog in 2013! I also deleted every fashion blogger I did not know on a personal level and I deleted all bloggers that I added just so they could add me back on all of my social media accounts. I can’t tell you how liberating and freeing it felt! FREEDDOMMMMMM!!!
What is up with us women and comparing ourselves with other women?! why do we want to be like every other woman? First of all, it is so unbelievably boring to want to be like every other woman! Second, God made us all uniquely different in our own special way, He gave each one of us specific and different gifts to use. Imagine if we all had the same gifts and talents, how boring would that be?! you guys, in all honestly, you cannot be happy and envious at the same time .. they’re like oil and water, they don’t mix! And sometimes we may not be able to change the feelings that cause envy, since it can be a stronghold for many, but what we can do is change our perspective on it and the way we look at things, accompanied with major prayer, also! We will find more meaning, fulfillment, and PURPOSE in life when we strive to be the person God made us to be! We cannot focus on our purpose when we are looking at other people, period!
A lot has happened in the last year, and I will have to update some of you that have been following my journey from the beginning whom I am not friends with on FB soon!! I am SO excited to be back, excited to write again, excited to get to know some of you more, excited to share what the Lord has been stirring in my heart in the last year, eager to share things that the Lord has made clear to me on certain things that need to be brought out into the light. Rooted in Salt is going to be more raw and more real than it ever has been. I am waiting for the right time to share all this with you .. I am waiting on His perfect timing!
Blessings to you, my sweet sweet friends! <3